An Incident on the Honeymoon Trip
by Bonbonnett
Summary: Jane and Edward arrive in Geneva on their wedding trip. They are confronted by a distant relative of Edward's. Battle royal ensues!


**A/N, I had intended to put this in earlier, but bungled and hit the wrong key (ever happen to you?). This story operates on the premise that J and E are properly wed, and are now on their wedding trip. CB gets the credit for J and E--I had a blast inventing Lady Matilda--she's so ornery that I just might use her again sometime! Anyhow--read and enjoy.**

AN INCIDENT ON THE HONEYMOON TRIP

We were only just arrived at our hotel in Geneva, it was evening and the sun was going down in glory. While they were preparing our rooms and unpacking our trunks, Edward and I went for a short stroll.

"Well, how do you like the view?" he asked.

"Switzerland is so beautiful—the lake and the Alps—such a majestic sight—I love it!"

"Tomorrow you must try your hand at some sketches—you have been quite idle lately."

"I have had my time taken up with other things."

"Yes, I know," he said, looking smugly at me.

"Wretch!--it occurs to me that I have not given you a good scolding in weeks!"

"I knew my felicity could not last even a fortnight!"

"That's not fair—I allowed six months for the honeymoon phase!"

A heavy sigh, he rolled his eyes dramatically, "Alas, it is all over with us.!"

I was laughing by now, and swatted at him with my reticule. "You will be expected to come on bended knee with the most abject apologies, or my wrath shall not be appeased!"

"Yes, my goddess, I await but the opportunity to appease you."

"Very well, but not here in public, for Heaven's sake!" I was still laughing as I said this.

"Just a small appeasement," and he kissed my fingers, "will that do for the moment?"

"Edward, who is that lady over there? She keeps staring at you. Do you know her?"

He looked, and gave a dramatic shudder, "You must be brave, my dear, that is a distant connection who has known me since I was a boy—she was the terror of my childhood—indeed I think even my father was afraid of her!"

"Goodness, she sounds an absolute tyrant!"

"Trust me, she is—I would match you against her any day."

"Am I allowed to be rude?"

"Yes, but only in the politest fashion. Look out, here she comes!"

There she was indeed—a stout old lady, leaning on a cane, dressed all in black; a manservant and a companion hovering behind her. "Dear Edward, I hope I find you well, its been such a time since I saw you last—where was it—Baden-Baden or Spa perhaps?"

"Actually, my Lady, I believe it was at Lausanne—you are looking well."

"As well as can be expected, given my rheumatics! D'you know I heard the oddest rumor about you—they were saying that you had married a governess! Of course, I don't believe it for a minute—surely you would never do such a thing!"

"As to that my Lady, I think I am allowed to please myself in my choice. Allow me to present her to you. Lady Matilda—this is my wife, Jane. Jane, this is Lady Matilda de Crecy."

"Hmph! She is not very large is she?"

"Perhaps not, but I assure you she makes up for it in her ferocity. Have a care not to upset her—she will not give any quarter when her battle rage is up. I know it to my cost." Here he gave me a roguish side-glance—I retaliated with a frosty look and a suggestive swing of my reticule.

I spoke up then, "You give me a pretty character, sir, we must discuss this later at our leisure. I am pleased to meet you, Lady Matilda—do you plan to stay long? We are only just arrived and I find the scenery quite lovely."

"Yes, the scenery would be quite nice if it weren't for those nasty mountains—they quite get in the way of the view—and that horrid snow on their tops—much too bleak for my liking!"

"Oh—how monstrous of them—we must speak to the hotel management about this—perhaps they could arrange to have the view changed, Edward!"

"My dear, I am sure they will try."

"The two of you are making sport of me!"

"Oh no, Lady Matilda, we would never do such a thing, Edward is too much the gentleman to lend himself to such behavior, and I'm afraid I was too well brought up!"

"Nonsense!--a charity brat and a rapscallion—the two of you deserve each other!"

"Edward—when you showed me your collection of battle-axes at Thornfield—wasn't there something left out of the display?"

I could see that his shoulders were shaking by now as he tried not to laugh. "My apologies—I do believe there were several omissions. I must correct them on our return." He turned back to Lady Matilda, "We wish you a pleasant visit here at Geneva. Now you must excuse us—our dinner is waiting, and cooling as it waits."

"Hmph!" was all we heard in return, and Lady Matilda went sweeping down the walk, still followed by her faithful retinue.

"Did you see the look on her companion's face when you made that remark about battle-axes? I had a hard time controlling myself, I can tell you," he chortled.

"It was that last name of hers, Crecy, that gave me the notion."

"Yes, but it was the long-bow that decided the day at that battle."

"Do you think my shafts missed their target, then?"

"Not at all, you naughty girl—come and have some dinner now that the sun has gone behind those horrid mountains of hers. You know, I think she liked you—indeed I am sure of it."

"What a daunting conclusion that is—whatever led you to it?"

"She didn't strike you down with lightning did she? I do believe I surprised a look of grudging approval at your sally to her challenge."

"She called you a rapscallion."

"She knows me very well—believe me, she has called me far worse names than that. I put frogs in her bed once at Thornfield."

"You never did!"

"I did indeed—it was Rowland's idea, of course—and of course—he let me take the blame and the punishment. A fine hiding I got for it too!"

"Was it worth it?"

"Oh yes—I still remember her screeching—the epithets were most instructive—some of them were new to me. The cream of the joke was that she was not alone when she discovered the frogs..."

"What, her maid was there?"

"No, there was a ship's captain, a business connection of my father's staying with us: and there he was in all his whiskers and nightshirt; trying to deal with the bed's occupants; the screaming lady; and of course, the rest of the household who all came running to see what the uproar was about."

"Oh dear, I wonder you can greet her with a straight face even now."

"I can tell you—that was thirty years ago and my backside still hurts when I think of it!"

**That's** **all there is--I hope you had a laugh or two--I always thought they were very funny together--egging each other on to greater improbable heights of outrageousness! PLease read and review.**


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